There comes a point where we're ready to meet the truth, to go beyond our construct of self. The five stages of grief offer a clue, so often, our way through.
1) Denial: Whereby we invest tremendous energy into this 'idea' of self and chase endlessly after external validation, one mirror after another.
2) Anger: Directed at ourselves and others when either do not meet expectations and give us the 'good enough' that we seek.
3) Bargaining: A catalogue of conditions, a deal with self to promise release (love) when...the day that never comes.
4) Depression: The anger turned inward as overwhelm is reached from all of the above.
5) Acceptance: What we have been waiting for all along.
It's a bit like Ikea really. You can go through the whole Marketplace, be pulled this way and that by all manner of pseudo Swedish named goods; a colourful this, a plastic that. You can jostle with the stream of people and trolleys and pick up the obligatory Billy Bookcase (doesn't everyone have one) and stock it with all the self help books there ever was or will be. Your self does not need help.
Once you've been through a time or two or ten thousand and two, you may be ready for the shortcut. If it's time to checkout, you know what to do. Read the writing in the sky – accept.